Is Abstinence For Me?

Benefits of Choosing Abstinence

Healthy Relationships: Both Now and in the Future!
Avoiding Painful Consequences.
The Ability to Achieve Your Goals!

Healthy Relationships: Both Now and in the Future!
- Saving sex until marriage offers many benefits for your current relationships.
  - It allows you to focus on really getting to know your boyfriend or girlfriend without sex becoming the focus of your relationship.
  - You can have confidence that your boyfriend/girlfriend is really dating you because of who you are not because of what they can get out of the relationship.
  - You don’t have to experience the fear of giving such an intimate part of yourself to someone and wondering if they will break up with you or if they really love you.
  - You can focus on building your relationship rather than worrying about getting anSTD/STI or about getting pregnant before you are ready.
- Saving sex for marriage will enhance your future marriage relationship.
  - You will have built your relationship on a solid foundation based on what you have in common mentally, emotionally, socially, and spiritually, instead of being distracted by the physical attraction.
  - You can have confidence that your spouse is committed to you 100%. If he/she had the strength to wait for you and demonstrate self control before marriage, how much more committed will your spouse be when you get married?
  - You have a special bond that connects you to your spouse knowing that sex is something shared only by the two of you.
  - You can focus on really getting to know each other while you date and when you do get married, sex is just the icing on the cake. Your relationship already will be strong, and you have the rest of your lives to explore and perfect sex together in a faithful, trusting, and committed relationship.
  - Why is marriage worth waiting for?
Avoiding Painful Consequences
- Avoid facing an unplanned pregnancy when you abstain from sex.
  - Choosing abstinence allows you to be free of the fear or the reality of facing an unplanned pregnancy.
  - Pregnancy Facts
- Avoid getting a sexually transmitted disease or infection because of your actions
  - If you choose abstinence, you will never have to worry about getting an STD/STI. That is a very freeing thing!
  - STD/STI Facts
- Avoid the emotional pain that comes from a broken sexual relationship.
  - When you have sex there is an emotional bond that takes place. When that bond is broken, damage is done and it hurts.
  - Most people think of the physical consequences of sex, but even if a physical consequence is not experienced, you will most likely experience some sort of emotional pain.
  - Some emotional results of a broken sexual relationship include feeling used, cheap, abandoned, alone, suicidal, depressed, guilty, angry, jealous and empty. Many people also experience a low self-esteem.
  - Statistics on Suicide and Depression rates among sexually active teens
The Ability to Achieve Your Goals!
- If you choose abstinence, you will avoid some of the painful consequences that could hinder you from achieving some of your goals and dreams.
- “Teen parents are less likely to complete school-less than one-third of teens who have a child before age 18 ever earn a high school diploma. Only 1.5% earn a college degree by the ago of 30.”1
- Some STI/STDs can cause infertility. Imagine being married and deciding to start a family and realizing that a high school boyfriend or girlfriend who had given you a STI/STD had caused you to be unable to have the children now that you want
- Emotional distractions of very serious relationships can cause you to not focus on your high school or college career which could have a long lasting effect on your future.
- Past sexual relationships could affect the ability you have to bond with your husband/wife someday. Visual pictures and memories from past sexual relationships don’t disappear when you get married, neither do the hurts and wounds from broken relationships. Your choice about sex now will have an impact on your future marriage.

Starting Over: Secondary Virginity

Is it too late? I’ve already had sex.

While you can never go back and change your past, it is never too late to make a commitment to abstinence for your future. Whether you have experienced previous pain and heartache in your sexual experiences or just want to make a positive choice for your future, you will experience many great benefits of secondary virginity.

Basically a secondary virgin is someone who has already been sexually active but wants to make a commitment to wait until marriage from that point forward. If this is something you would like to choose, it means refraining from sex, making changes in your relationships and working toward a better, more promising future.

Thousands of people nationwide are making the decision to choose abstinence after being sexually active. Hear some of their stories by clicking here.

What if I’m already with someone right now and having sex?

Just because you’re having sex doesn’t mean you must continue. Remember, a decision for abstinence protects your future as well as your partner’s. Choosing abstinence together will prevent the possibility of pregnancy, giving you both the best for your future. It will also help your relationship grow in other areas. You’ll be able to focus on what you have in common mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and socially. Help your boyfriend or girlfriend to see the positive aspects of waiting and that it will be a great decision for the both of you. Encouraging them to choose abstinence could be one of the best things you ever do for them.

If they end up not agreeing with you, they might say, “If you really loved me, you would have sex with me.” Remember that the best relationships and most long lasting are ones that are founded on trust and respect. Someone who tries to push you into sex is someone you cannot trust and does not respect you. If they continue to push you, tell them, “If you really loved me you would respect my decision to wait.” It won’t be easy, but you’re worth it.

To read some stories of people who have chosen secondary virginity, click here.

Do you want to make a commitment to start over?

You can make a decision to choose secondary virginity today! Make a pledge for your future!

Why is marriage worth waiting for?

If you’re going to save all sexual activity until marriage, marriage better be an amazing thing right? 91% of teens say that eventually they would like to be in a good marriage.2 But all too often we hear that marriage isn’t worth it. Some say it doesn’t even last. Instead of people’s opinions lets see some facts.

Facts on Marriage…

Married people have significantly higher levels of happiness than persons who are not married.3
Married couples fight less.4
Marriage increases individual earnings and savings.5
Marriage provides the highest levels of sexual pleasure and fulfillment for men and women.6
Marriage protects against loneliness.7
Marriage enhances a parent’s ability to parent.8

If you’re not going to get married, chances are you’ll move in with somebody instead. Here are some facts about cohabitation (living together).

Living Together Doesn’t Work…

Couples that move in together tend to believe that they are professing their commitment to each other. Yet statistics don’t confirm that this is true.

Affairs happen twice as often with individuals that are living together than those who are married.9
Those who live together until marriage are still less sexually faithful after marriage than those who did not live together first.10
Out of all the people that live together, 67% of live-ins never even get married.11 You are more likely never to get married than to get divorced if you move in with someone.
Couples that do end up getting married have almost a 50% higher rate of divorce than married couple that do not live together first.12

What do you think now?

After seeing the facts, what do you think? The facts show that you’re more likely to be happy and successful if you choose to get married. And what better way to commit yourself to a lasting marriage than by waiting until your wedding night for sex?

1 Teen Pregnancy-So What? The National Campaign to Prevent Teen Pregnancy (February 2004).

2 Lloyd D. Johnston, Jerald G. Bachman, Patrick M. O’Malley, John E. Schulenber, Monitoring the Future: A Continuing Study of American Youth (12th –Grade survey) 2004, Survey Research Center at the University of Michigan.

3 Steven Stack and J. Ross Eshleman, “Marital Status and Happiness: A 17-Nation Study,” Journal of Marriage and the Family, 60 (1998): 527-536.

4 Jan Stets, “The Link Between Past and Present Intimate Relationships,” Journal of Family Issues 14 (1993), p. 251.

5 Waite, 1995, p. 483-507; Waite and Gallagher, 2000, see chapter 8; Wilmoth and Koso, 2002, p. 743-754.

6 Robert T. Michael, et al., Sex in America: A Definitive Survey, (Boston: Little, Brown, and Company, 1994), p. 124-129; Edward O. Laumann, et al., The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States (Chicago: University of Chicago Press, 1994), p. 364, table 10.5; Andrew Greeley, Faithful Attraction: Discovering Intimacy, Love and Fidelity in American Marriage, (New York: Tom Doherty Association, 1991), see chapter 6.

7 Randy Page and Galen Cole, “Demographic Predictors of Self-Reported Loneliness in Adults,”Psychological Reports 68 (1991): 939-945.

8 Ronald Angel and Jacqueline Angel, Painful Inheritance: Health and the New Generation of Fatherless Families (Madison: The University of Wisconsin Press, 1993), pp. 139, 148.

9 Judith Treas and Deirdre Geisen, “Sexual Infidelity Among Married and Cohabiting Americans,” Journal of Marriage and the Family 62 (February 2000): 48-60.

10 Renata Forste and Koray Tanfer, “Sexual Exclusivity Among Dating, Cohabiting and Married Women,”Journal of Marriage and Family 58 (1996): 33-47.

11 Smock, P.J., & Gupta, S. (2002). “Cohabitation in Contemporary North America.” In A. Booth & A.C. Crouter (Eds.), Just Living Together: Implications of Cohabitation on Families, Children, and Social Policy (pp. 53-84). Mahwah, NJ: Erlbaum.

12 “Cohabitation, Marriage, Divorce and Remarriage in the United States.” Data from the National Survey of Family Growth, Department of Health and Human Services, Center for Disease Control, 2002.